Here we are - 50 days after finding Joy's pic online and ready to move forward to the next step. Gotta do more paperwork, training, and all of the things required of me on my to do list that I've been given by my social worker......(1/26)
It's now day 72 (10 weeks & 2 days later) so a few more weeks have passed since I started this post. The day after I started writing above I found out I was being offered a new job and life has been hectic for past two weeks. So here's an update
I have started MAPP adoption training- today was the 3rd of 5 Saturdays. I've done fingerprints, medical paperwork, and had first homestudy visit by my social worker. Still need to get stuff done for licensing my home such as fire inspection- fire extinguisher, carbon monoxide detector, locked medicine storage, finish evacuation plan, and corded landline phone. Once my preplacement assessment (PPA) is done her social worker will review it, come for her homestudy visit with the recruiter, decide if we're a match, and I can finally meet her. (See Steps to Adoption http://www.chsnc.org/adoption-families-interested-in-adoption.html)
I also received her adoption summary finally!!! Her birthday is coming up next week 2/17 and she will be 17. Learned a lot about her parents and family; personal characteristics; medical, psychological, educational and placement history. I knew that I was fully committed when I saw some things others would balk at but knew that though I may have stated in my preferences that certain things I would not be willing to accept- for her- I am willing to change and make an exception just for her.
But the most significant thing I learned from recruiter was that I could begin to write her personal letters and since I blog she couldn't have told me anything better :-) Can't share blog with her yet but will after we're matched and meet.
My first letter to Joy was to let her know the most important thing I felt needed to be shared- that I chose her and I want her to be in my life and me in her's. I told her the story of how I just 'happened to' go online to the agency site while talking to a friend, searched Meet Waiting Children, and once I saw her I just knew- she's the one. I want her in my life just as she is. I told her I would answer her questions through the recruiter and a few facts about me.
In church we've been discussing the agape love of God and the characteristics that are manifest in the lives of those of us who love God. Since we're known by our love (John 13:34-35) - we should be showing it one to another. Most of us are familiar with love that is shared between people that is either eros (romantic), phileos (friends) or storge (family). But's its agape - the unconditional, self sacrificing, and totally voluntary love of God that swells in my heart when I think of her. It makes my heart and mind connect to even begin to conceive the love God had for all of us (before, during, and after we learned of Him) that He gave His Son to reconcile us to Him in a love relationship- Incredible Grace. Regardless of how we respond to Him!!! We didn't deserve it but He loved us anyway and He won't stop loving us either even when we turn our backs on Him and reject His love for us.
I genuinely love this child from my heart in a way that I thought I would never feel towards another human being. Like God, my love is Godly, genuine, and generous so whether or not she receives and accepts it, it won't change my love for her. I don't expect this to be a bed of roses but Jesus on the cross wasn't easy either. He loves me and will help me carry it through the power of His Holy Spirit.
But for love- I will deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Him. (Matthew 10:38, Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Mark 10:21 Luke 9:23, Luke 14:25, 27)
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